1. Allow client to vent about the conflict and its impact on him/her
- What’s going on?
- What’s it like for you?
- How’s the conflict affecting you?
- How’s the conflict affecting your work?
2. Identify impact of conflict on staff and company
- What’s the impact of this conflict on your staff (or other staff)?
- What’s the impact (or potential) of this conflict on the company?
3. Unearth source(s) of conflict
- What key differences are present in this conflict?
- What do you think is the underlying cause of the conflict?
- What’s the primary source of the conflict?
- How can you apply your understanding of the conflict to improve this relationship?
4. Discover style differences
- What conflict style are you and the other person using?
- What differences are there between your personality style and the other’s?
- How might you adjust your style to resolve the conflict?
5. Explore interpersonal dynamics
- Describe the interaction style between you and the other person?
- How positive or negative are your styles with one another?
- How does your style with this person differ from your interactions with others?
- How can you adapt your interaction style with this person to address the conflict?
6. Notice who’s contributing to the conflict
- How are you contributing to the conflict?
- What peers are involved in the conflict? And, how?
- Which direct reports are involved in the conflict? And, how?
- What actions is your manager(s) taking in response to this conflict?
- Specifically, how are the others contributing to the conflict?
7. Identify what’s contributing to conflict
- What relevant changes are occurring in your unit, department, or company?
- What about your manager’s role affects the conflict?
- How is the organization contributing to the conflict?
- What else is contributing to the conflict?
- What external changes are occurring now?
8. Explore limiting beliefs
- What are your thoughts and beliefs about the conflict?
- What power can you exert in this situation?
- I hear you say, “I can’t” a lot. How would things be different if you focused for a bit on what you “can” do?
- You seem to be focusing a lot of attention on things beyond your control. What aspects of this situation do you have control over?
- I hear you saying a lot of “have to’s. How can you use more “be’s?”
- What risks do you need to take?
9. Consider other perspectives
- What’s a 180-degree different way to look at the conflict?
- What perspectives do others have about the conflict?
- What would the greatest mentor suggest you do about the conflict?
- If you were standing in the other person’s shoes, what does that look like?
10. Clarify desired future
- What is your desired outcome?
- What benefits will that outcome bring you and others?
- How will this outcome benefit the department, organization, and customers?
11. Assess/Identify areas of strength and development opportunities
- What skills do you currently have that you can apply to this conflict?
- What skills do you need to develop to handle the conflict situation?
- What skills could be beneficial to avoid future conflicts?
- How can you best learn these skills?
- In the past, what has worked best for you to successfully resolve conflict? How can you apply that learning to the present situation?
- Think of a person who is skillful in handling conflict. How could you apply those skills to your conflict?
12. Brainstorm possible strategies
- What are some potential strategies to address the conflict?
- What constructive things could you do now to start addressing the situation?
- What conversations do you need to have, and with whom?
13. Discuss self-care and boundaries that need to be established
- What temporary boundaries do you need to establish to protect yourself?
- What are you doing to take care of yourself?
- Who can provide you with emotional support?
- Who can you rely on during difficult times?
- Who can you have fun with?
- How can you best manage stress associated with the conflict?
- Note: If your client is having a difficult time dealing with serious stressers, consider making a referral to an appropriate professional.
14. Determine actions to take?
- What course of action do you want to take?
- What’s the best action to take first?
- What else do you want to do between sessions?
15. Identify potential barriers to actions and ways to overcome them
- What could get in the way of your moving forward?
- How could you avoid obstacles?
- What are some ways to overcome these obstacles?
© 2008-2009. Nancy Branton.
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